I’m talking about the movement that just won’t stop. Nope, not dysentery (that comes close), but the UFO-proctowtfologists. Under ordinary circumstances, these fruitcakes wouldn’t bother me, but when I noticed that they started coming out en masse following a Slashdot article on Thursday’s meteor show I was pretty annoyed. Don’t believe me? See for yourself.

Yeah, that’s right. A bright, flashy light in the sky that left a vapor trail, reportedly resulted in a few sonic booms, and just freaking looked awesome couldn’t possibly be natural. I mean, it’s pretty obvious that there’s nothing in nature that comes close to being a spectacular light in the sky. Ergo, anything streaking across the wild blue yonder is obviously not a giant rock burning in the hellacious temperatures of reentry.

What really irked me was that another poster made a similar point to the one I raised above and was promptly attacked by rabid lunatics. Indeed, the passionate response he received was that of someone who, attempting to say something grossly insightful, turned out to look like an obese man in a speedo riding a unicycle around Times Square. That is to say he looked pretty damn ridiculous. The individual in question was a particular poster named “Fantabulous Lad” (not his real name) and stated:

[I’m] just pointing out that this exists, with the one simple proviso that it is not being placed conveniently in your lap for review with the shining stamp of social approval. Do you always let other people’s fear levels determine what is “real” for you? If so, then that’s actually quite normal. I just find it limiting, and prefer to think for myself since most people are frightened, delicate creatures all too ready to behave in a manner rationally counter to the demands of reality in order to stay in the good books with the herd.

(Emphasis mine, because that statement was stupider than the others.)

No. Just no. I’m not even going to bother saying anything about this (I already posted on Slashdot anyway). However, I think FDR put it best, and I quote:

It entertains me that the proof offered by our poster in this particular case was a book written by none other than Richard M. Dolan, a man credited for his whacked-out television personality. He’s also a whacked-out author who seems to believe that the government is a massive conspiracy. (Maybe he’s right but not in the way he thinks.) I think it’s great to cite a source that uses shaky evidence, anecdotes, and divining rods to find UFOs. Okay, so I made that last bit up. I think.

While Ridiculous Lad may have had a monopoly on appealing his burden of proof to whacked out whackjob whackos, there was one other post that drove me absolutely insane. This guy is really vying for first place in the annual Idiot Land Raceway races with his claims that a certain video posted on Youtube (another factually accurate site) “may be ‘sun pillars’ a [sic] phenomenon that appears right before a major seismic event.” Never mind that sun pillars are caused by certain light sources (like the sun) and are a classification of things we see known as optical phenomenon. It has nothing to do with earthquakes. Don’t bother watching the videos, either. One of them showed the devastation of an earthquake and people talking about it, and that somehow implies HAARP is to blame. Maybe it’s responsible for poor news coverage.

Just remember this the next time the sky looks funny:

What’s more, the videos Mr. unityeleventyone linked to all sorts of things like sun dogs, rainbows, pillars of smoke (from a fire), and the likes as “evidence” that the sky changes color immediately before an earthquake and everyone gets their medicine shaken whether they politely asked for it or not. I wonder what the heck happens to these people during a sunset when the sky changes color?

I have little faith in certain aspects of humanity. Especially with this Interwebs business. Never before have we had the capacity to freely share stupid ideas at the speed of light.

Stay tuned for next week’s installment of The Internet is Stupid Part Two where I discuss a little bit about UFO history, conspiracies, and what you can do to piss off your own species of nutjob.