Life and Entropy

The handful of people who periodically check my blog for updates have no doubt noticed a dearth of content for well over a year and a half (closer to two years, in fact). There are myriad reasons for this, and I’m not writing today to make excuses, but the reality is that sometimes life gets in the way of other pursuits. I’ve been busy, to say the least, but a few curve balls thrown in my direction certainly took the wind out of my sails and stripped my conscious mind of some of its more creative endeavors.

Just a little under a month ago, my father passed away due to complications from COPD after a long and arduous battle with the disease. This culminated in a number of related ailments that required us to put him under hospice care where he endured for nearly eight months. During this time, we developed an incredible friendship with his hospice nurse, and the efforts she put forward to keep him comfortable were no less than astounding. I would go so far as to say that she is one in a million regarding her expertise and background; she was one of the few people Dad would listen to and certainly one of the only healthcare practitioners he trusted during his end-of-life journey. For my part, she became someone akin to the sister I never had. We shared stories, laughter, tears, and loss. Neither Mum nor I would have it any other way—but make no mistake: The path was not an easy one.

I learned that hospice is one of the most under-utilized healthcare programs available. Partially, this is due to the additional stress and work placed upon primary caregivers (usually family). Mostly, though, I feel this is driven by the unfortunate reality that most people simply don’t know hospice exists. It is unfortunate precisely because there are many people who would rather pass in the comfort of their own homes, surrounded by family and familiarity, rather than end their lives the bowels of a faceless, sterile hospital or care facility.

I apologize to those of you I have forgotten to inform of Dad’s passing. I know there are a many of you who have slipped through the cracks. It isn’t because I don’t care; it’s because I’ve since run out of energy. The people who found out first were the amazingly wonderful church family I’ve gotten to know since 2020; my close friends and associates; and immediate family. My social presence elsewhere on the web has served as something of an outlet during these times where I’ve shared a few of my experiences. Frankly, I haven’t felt it was appropriate to place this on my blog until now. There are reasons, of course, and plenty of excuses. But, now is the time.

I’m hoping to pick back up on posting with a bit more regularity. I have a large number of draft items that may or may not see the light of day. When a particular item gets posted depends on how I feel, of course, and whether or not they’re still applicable to today’s world (some are). It’s all going to require effort and motivation to restart a handful of long-neglected hobbies, such as this, but I think I’m getting closer.

The past two years have been something of a personal tribulation: From a fairly long-term relationship ending in a rather unfortunate and ugly manner in 2020, to Dad’s illness taking a turn for the worse in 2021 increasing his required level of care, to having to put a number of plans on hold, to halting work on a startup with a very talented friend and colleague of mine, to facing the death of a family member, to looking into a new line of work writing in a language that I think will be both refreshing and therapeutic, it’s been a bit of an adventure—to put it mildly.

I have a few news items I’m hoping to pass along sooner or later, and I have a more than enough FOSS projects to announce more publicly (leastwise more so than I already have) that I need to revisit and pick back up (especially documentation!). There’s still much to be done. To say that I’m exhausted at this point, mentally and physically, is probably an understatement. Maybe I need a break, a rest, some respite; I don’t know.

Thank you all for your understanding. I’m hopeful that future updates will bring forth a new ray of light into this world!

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